Humility and surrender

This week has been rough for me. My perception has been negative and I have been irritable and generally displeased. Even when I recognize my irrational thoughts and acknowledge that I can choose a different experience at any time, I still find myself caught in a negative energy field and find that choosing differently can be quite difficult. Unfortunately I struggle asking for help. I believe that I understand the problem and that I can work through it on my own. In response to this I have been given an opportunity to practice two vital spiritual principles: humility and surrender.

I used to, and in moments of irrationality still do, believe that though other people's assistance may make life easier, ultimately it is not needed. Sometimes I mistakenly think I am completely self-reliant. It is this state of mind that causes me to isolate from other people, and inhibits my ability to form deep personal relationships. I have been taught that an effective response to this arrogance is to practice humility.

An act of humility is asking for help. It is asking for another human being to listen to my struggles and provide feedback. It is acknowledging that I need other human beings; that I can not go it alone. This simple act dissolves my illusion of self-reliance, if only for a time. We all long to be needed, and when someone sincerely asks us for help, we find deep satisfaction in being of service. So this act of humility becomes a reciprocal blessing. It allows me the healing process of practicing humility, and the other person the fulfilling experience of being of service to their fellow man.

In asking for help, I was reminded that my method of struggling to overcome the negative thoughts may not be the best approach. That trying to think my way to better thinking does not work. The more I tried to "work through" the negative thoughts and feelings, the more energy I was giving them. The adage of "surrender to win" is true. It was suggested that I stop fighting my imperfections, stop struggling to overcome my character defects. It was suggested that I surrender those feelings and thoughts to a Power greater than me, and ask for help from another human being. The answer was simply to acknowledge the unwanted thoughts and feelings, share them with someone and let them go. I was reminded that everything is temporary. Good feelings, bad feelings, pleasure and pain come and go and come again. The only constant is change. I need not fight these thoughts and feelings. It is as silly as fighting the rain. In hindsight, the negative thoughts and feelings are a blessing, for they actually provide the chance for me to practice often neglected principles of humility and surrender.

Maybe one day I can fully experience the perspective Shakespeare described in Hamlet when he penned "...for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

Repost from Real Life Spirituality

This is a repost from:

http://reallifespirituality.com/spiritual-development-paradox/

Spiritual Development Paradox

August 4, 2010 by Akemi

(Photo credit)
This is going to be a very personal post. My spirit guides and teachers are accelerating the pace they communicate with me and, for little Akemi, it feels they are just dumping tons of info on me. I need to write to organize my understanding. Maybe someone among you who knows better can even help me somehow.

So I apologize if the post reads a bit messy. Some part of the post may sound redundant or contradictory. Just bear with me. Or, you can just move on to other posts that are written better.

What is spiritual development anyway?

The thing is this “spiritual development” or “growth”. As you know, I read people’s Akashic Records and clear the energetic blocks and interferences. It’s a spiritual work. And I’ve believed I need to continually work on my own spiritual development for my own good and to be a good Akashic Record reader.

I believe my clients and readers of this blog are also into spiritual development. We work on improving ourselves and our lives.

My spirit guides (SP): But the soul is already whole and complete. There is no room or need for improvement. That’s an oxymoron.

Me: Oh. Well… you are right. I know souls / Higher Selves come directly from the Source. But … you mean we don’t need to improve anything?

SP: You can train your body, you can train your mind because the mind belongs to the body. But no, you cannot train or improve your soul.

Me: But… what is all this spiritual evolution is about then? Aren’t we aiming to some high goals, like Ascension or Enlightenment?

SP: Okay, let’s go back a bit. You think you are less than perfect, and so you want to improve yourself, right?

Me: Yes.

My inner fears

As much as I write about the importance of accepting and loving ourselves as we are, with all the unique and quirky bits, there are still part of me that I am not 100% comfortable with.

For example, I gained a few pounds since last summer. I think I would look nicer if I lose these weights.

I also think I might want to work harder. My clients are waiting 4 to 5 weeks for their readings. My professionalism tells me to work harder to shorten the waiting list.

And the biggest frustration comes from this spiritual development itself. I read quite a lot of books on spirituality. There are so many good books. And as I read, I realize I am not measuring up well. Like, I haven’t done conscious astral projection. (I think we all do astral projection unconsciously.) I still have no idea about lightbody. (Damn, the linked article was written more than a year ago. What have I been doing since?) I am still concerned about petty daily things. My experience in the spiritual development is pretty limited. And so on.

I can read the Akashic Records and talk with my clients’ spirit guides, but that’s about all. Often, it feels I am just a conduit, a messenger in the spiritual world, with no real credit to myself.

I want to be brilliant so that I can help people realize their brilliance. Hopefully, I would do this simply by my existence. Instantly. I am far from being such a Light and this frustrates me a lot. In short, what the f-word am I doing here?

SP: So what do you think if I tell you you are already whole and complete?

Me: … that sounds like a big paradox. I sincerely work and work to improve my spirituality only to realize I am already whole and complete?

SP: Yes!

Me: … so… I don’t need to do anything?

Living in the Here and Now

SP: The only thing is you live in the hear and now. Completely. When you think you were thinner last summer, you are comparing yourself with the you of the past. When you think you would look nicer when you lose weight, you are comparing yourself with the future you and pressuring your current self. You are also believing you are less than desirable.

Me: ….

SP: Same thing with spiritual development or anything. You are comparing your current self with others, or the future potential you, or the past you. None of them matters to you — they don’t really exist.

Then there was a stream of visuals to help my understanding. We are like kids playing make-believe games. We are so into this game, for so long, that we have forgotten it’s just a game. We think this is reality.

Or it’s like living in a dream and we can’t wake up. (Remember the movie “Vanilla Sky”?)

Me: So let’s see… What happens when I really, totally, live in the here and now?

SP: Think.

Me: I guess that’s the same with loving myself totally. Because there is no point of comparison. I’m not sure if the word “love” is appropriate here, but this solid, focused, and warm feeling is like love.

SP: Good.

Me: This super simple feel is somehow familiar … I guess we felt this when we were babies.

SP: Yes.

Me: So living in the NOW is about waking up?

SP: It’s the gateway. You don’t wake up while you are participating in the make-believe game.

Me: But … is it really that simple? We just focus on the here and now and we realize we are already whole? And we wake up?

SP: It’s simple, yes, but may not be easy for many. Can you simply accept whatever happens to you?

The altered state of consciousness

Then my spirit guides reminded me of the experience I had two years ago. It’s something I’ve thought of writing on this blog — it’s certainly interesting — but just didn’t know how to.

It was August or September of 2008, the year I started taking clients for my Akashic Record Reading. I did a lot of work that day. In fact, I did more than I set out to do that day and it was still rather early in the evening. I remember I was feeling proud of my day.

It was still bright outside, so I decided to go out and take a walk.

I walked out of my office room (I was working on my computer) and went to the bathroom. When I stood up and turned around to flush, I almost fell as I lost balance. It felt as if an invisible hand made a big swing, causing a hard wind.

“Huh? What happened to me?”

It was different from the dizziness I would sometimes feel when I suddenly stand up (I have a low blood pressure). In those instances, I could feel my blood going down the head.

This time, however, it was something around me, not inside me.

I walked several steps to the sofa in my living room. (Tiny apartment, you know.) As I walked, the air around me felt thick, like it turned to a liquid gel. Mmm… maybe taking a walk is not a good idea. Let’s just lie on the sofa for a while. . .

Honestly, I was scared terribly. What had happened to me? Do I need to go to a doctor? But then, how do I explain this?

They’d probably think I was using some drugs. (I have never used drugs, by the way. But I’ve heard people talk what happens with certain drugs, and the sensation I was having seemed similar. But then, I am not sure.)

At that moment, I just wanted this weird condition to end. I was far from just living in the here and now. I was confused and terrified.

It ended after about 30 minutes. Looking back, I don’t really know why I was so scared. I sort of want to experience it again — seems interesting. (Needless to say, naturally, not with drugs. I totally hate the idea that some people use drugs to “induce” funny conditions.)

SP: Remember that? So do you think it would be easy to live in the here and now, no matter what happens?

Me: …

SP: People want to attach meanings and reasons to what they are experiencing. They think it’s a reward or a punishment of sort. They attach stories. The truth is, what is happening is just that. . . we are meant to just experience it.

And I have the feeling this is going to be essential in Ascension.

Okay, this is plenty to “download” for now. I am getting exhausted. (In addition to this “conversation”, there are some “road works” going on. It really feels that way — I think my spirit guides are building new connections, resurfacing the existing roads, etc.)

If you find this writing amusing, please send me some encouragement by leaving your comment. Thank you.