Humility and surrender

This week has been rough for me. My perception has been negative and I have been irritable and generally displeased. Even when I recognize my irrational thoughts and acknowledge that I can choose a different experience at any time, I still find myself caught in a negative energy field and find that choosing differently can be quite difficult. Unfortunately I struggle asking for help. I believe that I understand the problem and that I can work through it on my own. In response to this I have been given an opportunity to practice two vital spiritual principles: humility and surrender.

I used to, and in moments of irrationality still do, believe that though other people's assistance may make life easier, ultimately it is not needed. Sometimes I mistakenly think I am completely self-reliant. It is this state of mind that causes me to isolate from other people, and inhibits my ability to form deep personal relationships. I have been taught that an effective response to this arrogance is to practice humility.

An act of humility is asking for help. It is asking for another human being to listen to my struggles and provide feedback. It is acknowledging that I need other human beings; that I can not go it alone. This simple act dissolves my illusion of self-reliance, if only for a time. We all long to be needed, and when someone sincerely asks us for help, we find deep satisfaction in being of service. So this act of humility becomes a reciprocal blessing. It allows me the healing process of practicing humility, and the other person the fulfilling experience of being of service to their fellow man.

In asking for help, I was reminded that my method of struggling to overcome the negative thoughts may not be the best approach. That trying to think my way to better thinking does not work. The more I tried to "work through" the negative thoughts and feelings, the more energy I was giving them. The adage of "surrender to win" is true. It was suggested that I stop fighting my imperfections, stop struggling to overcome my character defects. It was suggested that I surrender those feelings and thoughts to a Power greater than me, and ask for help from another human being. The answer was simply to acknowledge the unwanted thoughts and feelings, share them with someone and let them go. I was reminded that everything is temporary. Good feelings, bad feelings, pleasure and pain come and go and come again. The only constant is change. I need not fight these thoughts and feelings. It is as silly as fighting the rain. In hindsight, the negative thoughts and feelings are a blessing, for they actually provide the chance for me to practice often neglected principles of humility and surrender.

Maybe one day I can fully experience the perspective Shakespeare described in Hamlet when he penned "...for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."