Life is an unending series of revolving stages, cycles if you will. There are moments of great jubilation and moments of great sadness, but most fall on the spectrum in between. Moments fade in and out mostly noted by feelings and our perspective at that time. My cycles have shortening lengths now, especially my moments of discomfort. For most of my life, when I stepped into a negative space, I would stay there until some external force pulled me out or time simply faded the negativity away. I now take a more active role in my life, and especially my feelings and perspectives. Though I do tend to see first the negative, I choose to see through that perspective and unleash the inner happiness.
I was reading my last post, yes the one from August of last year. The feelings described were similar to what I feel lately, but I noticed something else. Today, I actively seek to see the good in my current situations. Today, at least as often as I choose to, I am not content to sit in my negativity. Though sometimes, self pity can feel overwhelming, I experience it's release at my choosing. I had previously not experienced that, instead I would wait for my feelings of jealousy, self pity, and sadness to fade away or for something or someone to help me forget about them, if even for a moment. Last night as I sat in traffic feeling quite down on myself and my situation, I looked out my window at the huge sky darkening quickly with it's color fading from royal blue to black, and opened my heart. I did not think my way to anything. I choose to feel the majesty of moment and soak up the beauty of the evening. I released my thoughts and feelings to my brother Jeshua Ben Joseph and enjoyed his warm embrace.
Now I did choose to pick back up my self pity, shortly there after, but it was much less intense, much less powerful afterward. I began walking in the solution, instead of wallowing in the problem. I do that more often now, when I choose to. I do not stay in the discomfort of negativity as long now. That is not to say that the frequency of negative thoughts and feelings have decreased at all. They haven't and they may never, but I am practicing letting them go, moment by moment. I do so better sometimes than others, but I can now see progress. I can appreciate growth in myself.
I note though that this growth is anything but linear, and is wholly dependent on adherence to a program of spiritual principles. The more I practice these principles in my daily life, the more I am free to choose what thoughts and feelings I give my attention to.
I have often asked my mentors to explain to me how to practice such principles as acceptance, surrender, or even humility. I have never received a description of any intellectual value, instead the descriptions are vague at best, completely non-existent at worse. I understand why now. It is the experience of practicing these principles which define them for me. I know this sounds illogical, and it probably is, but that has been my experience.
It is my experience that, for example, defining acceptance is practicing it; to live in an unpleasant situation, realize that you can not change it, and simply keep moving forward. At least that is what it is for me today. Little by little as I kept moving forward, my experience of the situation changed. I may not have like it any better, but most importantly I was not sitting in my unhappiness, just being pissed off about something that I could not change. Instead I looked at what tasks were right in front of me, and took care of those, giving my energy to progressive action and positive direction, not defeating thoughts and painful feelings.
This is not to say that I just roll over and take what ever crap is given to me. Oh no, quite the opposite. I can now handle what is given to me by focusing my energy on those situations I can change and not wasting it on lamenting about those I can not.
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Let me know what you think. I am interested in your comments.
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